A young person sits on their bed, their eyes lit by the tablet in their lap as they scroll through their favorite social media feed. For countless minutes, they “like” their way through endless videos and posts, all but forgetting their homework across the room.
Before long, the bursts of excitement turn to restless irritation when their dad tells them it’s time to put their tablet away for the night. Even as they start in on their homework, they’re unable to focus. The tablet’s no longer in hand but those games, texts, and status updates still have their undivided attention.
If you’ve seen this once, you’ve seen it a thousand times.
Scenes like this are common in many homes today, where the pull of online platforms and instant connectivity make it difficult for growing minds to look away. Schools have started to take notice, but many parents and care-givers feel out of their depth addressing their child’s technology habits – especially when those habits begin impacting their child’s emotions and relationships.
Where to start? Understanding the roots of digital dependency can help set the stage for family conversations, screen-free activities, and more during the school year and beyond.
Digital dependency starts when technology use becomes unbalanced and often, digital pull is to blame. Digital pull refers to the attractive force inherent to many apps and online platforms that are intentionally designed to capture and hold users’ attention. These features exploit psychological triggers to encourage continued use, both in young people and in adults.
If you’ve ever spent hours playing a mobile game or doomscrolled through social media, you’ve felt digital pull for yourself. Long-term, exposure to digital pull can:
Learning self-regulation is essential at every young age, from toddlers through teenagers. Excessive digital dependence can put a damper on this essential proficiency.
If technology is used as an emotional crutch, children don’t become as practiced at processing discomfort, boredom, and a range of other emotions without a device in hand. The loss of those formative years can leave young people ill-equipped for many of life’s challenges, including personal relationships with friends and family.
While there’s no sure-fire way to break the digital pull cold turkey, the home front is an excellent environment for practicing habits that contribute to digital balance.
These three strategies are a great place to start for any family:
Like breaking any bad habit, picking a specific day to set devices and screens aside can help everyone in the family refocus.
In addition to reducing overstimulation, these routine breaks can help families recharge and strengthen bonds by focusing on offline activities like playing board games or cooking together.
Delaying the instant gratification of flipping open your device fosters impulse control.
Try teaching kids to take five deep breaths before opening their device. This emphasizes intentionality while giving them a mental break between their initial impulse and their eventual action.
Children emulate adult behaviors, so make sure you’re setting a mindful example by limiting how often and when you reach for your favorite device.
Narrating purposeful use can be especially useful for helping kids internalize intentional use. Saying “I’m checking my calendar” or “I’m responding to a text from your sibling” clearly communicates that you’re using your tech with purpose.
Creating new digital habits takes plenty of self-awareness and open conversations, many of which start at home. Schools can help support those efforts by providing care-givers with the resources they need to support their children toward digital balance.
Our new guide, Building Balance Between Online Connections & The Offline World, was developed with parents in mind. This free toolkit contains home-focused strategies for:
For schools, this guide makes a great addition to new student packets and can be easily passed out at parent-teacher conferences or through the counseling office.
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Self-regulatory tech habits start in the classroom. These nine strategies can help you model intentional tech use and create spaces for meaningful offline connection.
